Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
