Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
