I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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