I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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