I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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