Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
