TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
