i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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