Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
