I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
