If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
