So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
