I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
