I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
