nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize