How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
