accomplished twins. life is a go
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
