If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
