i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
