No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
