What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
