It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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