A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
