I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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