Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
