theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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