he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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