Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
