Umm I'm too high to move.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
