I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't turn off my feet"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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