He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
