This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
