3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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