I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
