Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
