he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
