The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
