Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
