It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
