I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
