I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
