why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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