I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
