so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
