I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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