I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
