So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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