I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
