just tell him i said nine months
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
