forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
