I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
