I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
