Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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