No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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