Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is my gift to your gina
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
